My dog Skwishey takes pooping very seriously. We all took his potty training seriously and I have to reach far back in my memory banks to remember a time Skwish had an accident in the house. He finds them quite humiliating and he’s much harder on himself than I ever was so punishment isn’t even considered when it does happen. All I have to do is point to the mess and say aloud, “What is that?” and Skwish flees the room with his head down and tail between his legs.

And just being outside for his business isn’t always good enough, either. Skwish won’t poop in his own yard unless there’s 3 ft of snow on the ground. Snow makes it ok for some reason, thank god, probably due to the fact it’s too hard for him (and me!) to get around. Otherwise, we must roam the neighborhood or the back trail to find the perfect spot. And sometimes it takes quite a bit of investigating to find that perfect tree trunk or brush pile where he most likes to make his deposits. He leaves it right on top, as like a pedestal, his little gift to the world.

So yeah, sometimes it takes awhile and yesterday was one of those days. I didn’t pay much attention and let him fidget around while my mind wandered. I thought he probably needed more veggies in his diet and decided to give him the wilting lettuce in the fridge. Finally, he was done and as we walked back to the house I could see something on the fur around his booty hole. I intended to wipe it off once we got home but it slipped my mind by the time we got back. His hair is getting rather long and he’s very scruffy looking so it went unnoticed.

Fast forward to today. A trip to the grocery store was needed so I grab my road dog and jump in the truck. Skwish was excited and immediately stood looking out the window with his paws on the door. I looked over and saw that grayish white stuff on his fur. It looked dried but I didn’t want him sitting on the seats with that, whatever it was, stuck to him. So I reach over and grab what I think is some fur to pull it off (I have Purell in my purse, ok??) and it’s not giving easily, so I give it a good quick tug to remove it before Skwish realizes what is going on.

That second after I gave the tug the realization comes over me that whatever this is isn’t stuck to his fur, it’s actually coming OUT of his ass. At this same instant, over 7 inches of shoe string has come out of my dog’s butt and is dangling from my fingers.

Almost as immediately, Skwishey has jumped around with the ‘Don’t touch my butt!’ look on his face and sees the string. He started leaning in to give it a sniff and this image flashes across my mind of him eating it so I quickly toss it out the truck window where it sticks to the Blazer’s window. Nice.

This isn’t the first time this kind of thing has happened. I can think of two others, the first time being the most surprising.

We were out for a poop and after he was done, he turned to sniff what he had left and I could see his butt. I noticed a small yellow piece of paper coming out like a little flag, bright yellow against Skwishey’s black fur. WTH?
So, I looked around on the ground and found a large leaf and used it to grab the paper so I could pull it out. I started pulling and it wasn’t coming easily. The dog started freaking out and I had to hold him football style with his head facing back and his ass facing mine. I tugged harder on the paper and it slowly started to come out. And it kept coming out and it kept coming out. It was like one of those magician’s kerchiefs that never ends. Finally, after about 20 inches, no lie, it was out. Evidently Skwishey had been in the trash and eaten a Taco Bell taco wrapper and it passed through completely intact. And now here it was, a little waxy, poop covered paper rope.

Dear god. Stuff like this never happens with my cats. But it will happen again, I’m sure of it. Skwish will eat anything and what goes in, must come out. I just wish it would come out all by itself, without my assistance.